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"The part we ignore…may contain the clue to the whole subject." ~ J. Allen Hynek

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Was I There?

Husband writing his novel, which includes when we first met. Discussions follow. After forty plus years of marriage, memories. . .

Synchronicity, or maybe just plain old nostalgia, but this weekend is our forty-third anniversary.

And I’m writing, on my own stuff, paranormal and not.

So we’re listening to old Donovan (do not underestimate him) on vinyl, of course, and things came to my mind. Like the following poem:

 

He was there

before we knew each other

was I?

I have a memory , some

might call it a screen memory, or

cover

when we met, we sat in his Fiat

talking poetry, dreams, UFOs

was I there?

I remember him, Donovan

Hollywood Bowl, on a carpet

white shirt

was I there?

Later, dreams, missing time

Where were we?

Was I there?

Back in 2011, when I was writing for Tim Binnall’s site, I wrote the following:

Donovan in Concert at the Hollywood Bowl … Maybe

Memory and UFOs. Missing time. Conscious recall of astounding events. These memories affect the UFO witness, contactee and abductee in profound ways. The memories are vivid, full of emotional and spiritual import that brings life long changes to the experiencer.

Even missing time – which is no memory – is a sort of memory. You know you don’t remember; you remember that something strange happened before, and something strange followed, but what happened in-between? During that in-between state, something happened, something involving you. The memory of those moments exist, somewhere, outside yourself. Forever frustrating, until recalled. But at that point, can we trust the process that brought us to that moment of recollection? Do we just think we remember? How much of those memories are real? All, some, none?

I have a few memories that don’t involve UFOs or really, anything particularity high strangeness or paranormal and yet… there’s a nagging feeling with this category of memory that UFOs were on the edges of these events. Events that I can’t fully recall. They share some similarities with missing time.

For years I’ve had a vague memory of attending a Donovan concert at the Hollywood Bowl in 1969. I have a vivid memory of seeing him on stage. I remember standing up on a little rise, the night air around me, seeing him and hearing him. I don’t recall being with anyone, if I was, I don’t remember who I was with. And yet, I don’t remember anything else at all. Not going to the concert, who I went with, anything about the concert itself, or anything afterwards. I don’t know how I got there. I don’t remember anything. I’m not sure I was there. But I think I might have been.

Curious to know if Donovan ever did play the Hollywood Bowl in 1969, I found proof that he did on the delightful The Go-Go’s Notebook blog. He did play there in 1969. No way to prove if I had been there, but at least we know he was.

There’s no one I could ask about this; my father, who I was living with at the time, has since passed away. He’d be the only one who might know. I was pretty left on my own back then, so adults or others who might know if I had gone wouldn’t necessarily know. It wouldn’t have been unusual for me to attend a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, where I’d seen may concerts, or other places.

It bothers me of course, not knowing if something really happened or not. At least in the context of UFOs, there’s a “Well, that explains it” context. Missing time, not being able to remember, while seeing a UFO, all adds up to the strange. It’s strange to begin with.

I don’t have any memories of UFO experiences when I was a teenager, except for one other memory related event. A few years ago I was meditating, and looking at a landscape I had painted of Santa Cruz. My mind wandered to a night in Santa Cruz by a river. My father and some family members were camping; in that meditative state I could vidily remember the smell of the water as well as the sounds, the cold air…and in the painting/memory, a stationary “star” began to move, zooming in towards us. I have a lucid moment, saying to myself “That didn’t happen when we were there!” I heard a voice outside of myself, speak to me inside my head that I “knew it was a UFO and I had better stop playing games” with myself about the reality of that memory. Then I was jolted back to the reality of my bedroom, the painting, and current time.

Was this memory of attending a Donovan concert related to this Santa Cruz event? Cover memories and games with time, and, location? As weird as this hazy memory realm is, it isn’t unheard of or unusual with UFO witnesses. Whitley Streiber is among witnesses who’ve shared their experiences of almost dreamlike memories that were not dreams, yet… some shadowy thing has happened to distance the witness from the event. Why?

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Jim (my spouse of these many decades) and I have had many paranormal and UFO experiences; separate, in our childhoods, before we knew each other, as well as during our relationship. One example: the orange orb sighting, with missing time.

 

Alien Grey as The Chariot

 

Among my many blogs, is Orange Orb Tarot. One of many hats I wear: tarot reader. I posted the following at my tarot blog a year or so ago:

 

Another area of passion and interest of mine,  (see my blog OrangeOrbTarot) aside from the UFO, paranormal realm, is the tarot. I was searching for various decks, since I collect them as most readers do. I have several tarot and oracle decks and came across this image from the Bifrost tarot deck.

This is a Major Arcana card — specifically, The Chariot — from theBifrost tarot deck. There is a distinctive alien grey ET figure, floating in outer space, giving the peace sign.

According to the deck’s creator, the meaning of this Major Arcana card The Chariot is:

The Chariot of the information age is the mind.  This is symbolized by both the flying saucer behind the Roswell alien’s eyes and the magic carpet at his seat.  The blood in his grail and the strand of DNA show that no matter where he travels, he will always find himself. [Tarotsmith.net/bifrostTarot]

The flying saucer is in the place of the third eye. The location is specific: Roswell.  The alien is peace loving, since he/she/it/gender neutral alien is flashing the peace sign. And, the ET is on a magic flying carpet, floating out there in the starry void.

What to make of this?

Assumptions that ET, as ‘the grey’ is a good vibe, well meaning, peaceful hippie alien. All is groovy and cosmic, flying around on the magic carpet.

Traditional, The Chariot, Waite-Coleman-Rider deck

Traditionally, The Chariot is depcited as having stars above (hence the alien I suppose) which represents the influences of the stars in this card. There is also the crescent moon. The wings have to do with Hinduism — the Bifrost tarot interprets this image using the third eye.

There are actually a few tarot decks that use aliens  as symbols. I don’t know how I feel about using a deck with this image, for myself, it seems too strange. In one sense, accessing memories of UFO encounters as a sort of tarot card reading, in order to make sense out of what happened, is useful. I try to do this for myself at times. But I don’t know about integrating both. However, it’s not a judgement. Each of us uses whatever decks feel right at the time. I’ve had decks that I’ve used before passing them on to others, decks I don’t use for readings but appreciate for other reasons, and so on.

It would be interesting to do a study on readers who have also had UFO experiences using decks with alien motifs. What would that conjure up?

Flying Saucer Poetry

Saw  this link on UFO Updates on Facebook. From the Saucers That Time Forgot blog. People once upon a time did write flying saucer poetry! See, I’m not the only one.

 

 

 

Joe R. Blakely Writes About Bigfoot

via Joe R. Blakely

 

Local (Eugene, Oregon) author has written a few books (fiction) about Bigfoot.

Sexy Lesbian UFO Spy Stuff

 

 

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I’m not going to review Project Bluebook, (not much) because I only saw the first two episodes. I enjoyed ACTOR’S NAME and the production is very good, but I’m with the camp who are upset over the inaccuracies. They seem to be so . . . intentional. 

One thing that has me curious, is the Russian lesbian spy angle. Further attempts by the Russians to get at  U.S. flying saucer secrets  include a red-lipsticked blonde lesbian spy trying to seduce innocent Mrs. Hynek.

 

images.jpeg

Are we serious here! Straight out of 1950s pulp fiction.  As if UFOs, government conspiracies, heavy handed thugs, looming monsters, and MIB aren’t enough, throw in a femme fatale and lesbian luring the innocent.

I’m not sure what the point here is with that. Pure exploitive titilation for its own sake I guess.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, by the way. Except it isn’t accurate, in the context of Hynek. Why present this story with so much crap to muddle things? Were the producers worried the culture is bored with UFOs and needed more? Why the Flatwoods Monster as mutant tree instead of what was actually reported? And so on.

 

Talking Bigfoot on Arcane Radio podcast

Earlier tonight, guest on Lon Strickler’s Arcane Radio podcast. An enjoyable conversation indeed, and many thanks to Lon. It was good to actually talk to Lon “in person” after knowing him on-line all these years.

“My Name is Flix” find

“My Name is Flix” cover

(cross posted at my blog Frame 352: The Stranger Side of Sasquatch)

Many years ago, when I first started out in the paranormal bloggingverse, I self published a booklet on a Bigfoot type encounter in Oregon. Cut and paste, comb bound. I’m sure the thing is full of typos — I didn’t keep a copy. I managed to sell a few on eBay. Found an image of the cover while looking around the internet:

The photograph is of Conser Lake, although it isn’t called that anymore. I know the new name but, while it is a matter of public record, (I assume) I won’t share it since the lake is on private property and I think the owners got tired of people going down there.

Circus and Haiku: A Positive Omen for Creativity?

Couldn’t sleep last night; got up, tried to write. During the day, I was going through old files, trying to clean up my work area. Lots of files on UFOs, the paranormal. A lot of academic papers I’d written when studying folklore at the University of Oregon. (One titled: Talking Deer: The Presence and Function of Animals in UFO Abduction Lore.)Made some notes, went over pages of stuff, but, nothing. Went back to bed.

Earlier in the day, I tweeted to a haiku group that a goal of mine is to “write a haiku a day.” I started doing this a couple of years ago. Not quite one a day; sometimes a few in one day, then nothing for awhile. I carry around a little black notebook just for my writing notes and poems, haiku and haibun.

 

the New Year’s goal

writing a haiku a day

not going well

frog1.png

I subscribe to Modern Haiku. (MH published one of my haiku years ago, rejected a couple of months ago though. Try again . . . ) Aside from writing fiction; poetry and short fiction, I also write about the paranormal and supernatural, UFOs, and all kinds of weird.

I had the following dream last night, after I finally went to bed:

My new issue of Modern Haiku arrived, which surprises me, since I just received a copy and they publish a few times a year. Much too soon to receive a copy. But, I’m very happy to receive this. I also receive an unexpected zine from someone I don’t know. I wonder how they got my address, how they know about me. Both are fiction and poetry inspired publications.

In the Modern Haiku journal, there is an article by a woman about me! The title was Regan Lee: Circus. The author writes that, while not a believer, nor disbeliever, in things paranormal, she was inspired and moved by my writing. Somehow this writer got a hold of my article and she wrote a very positive review of my work.

Of course I’m excited and honored and show this off to everyone, including co-workers. I don’t care if they don’t care — though most of them are interested, and do know of my work in this area — I am so happy about this! But also a little confused. How did this woman come to know of my work? I hadn’t put this paper up anywhere.

The other zine, also from someone I didn’t know, gives me a positive mention as well. Again, I wonder how it is these people came across my work. I also wonder at the strangeness of a review on UFOs and the paranormal appearing in a haiku publication. And what does the circus have to do with any of this? (Circus: something I abhor.)

Creativity. Something extremely important to me, with me my whole life. I don’t put creativity in a box; it’s everywhere, in everything I do or think. Some may not think there is anything creative — blending into a spiritual place — about the realm of UFOs and related themes. I those areas as operating in a strong  and creative plane. Two worlds: outer, inner. Fiction, non-fiction. Mundane, magical. Not always opposites with nothing in common. Going back and forth between worlds.

Which is what I’ve been doing since childhood.  Expressing one realm to another. Maybe that’s the circus part; it can get very chaotic and silly and surreal very fast. I take this dream as a positive message to keep going, following my own crazy path.

A Comment on my recent Stint on Jeremy Vaeni’s ‘Experience’ Podcast

It’s very difficult to mine any information from this interview. Regan was good at expressing her own bafflement and confusion with her experiences, but not at describing them with enough detail that we could either sincerely share her bafflement or perhaps provide some clarity. She says she’s trying to understand them better, and I believe her, but I also sense an unwillingness to open her experiences up fully to outside commentary. One thing that was obvious is that she’s concluded far more about her experiences than she expresses outright, and perhaps she fears that opening up her experiences to outside comment will challenge those conclusions and throw her back into a worse confusion, or confirm the worst of them which she is not ready to hear, but that looks to me to be rooted in a lack of self-confidence and a disbelief that anyone could really offer her anything truly beneficial.

I apologize to Regan for being so critical, and perhaps I’ve got it all wrong, I share my thoughts freely and whether she considers them or throws them into the bin I’ll take no offense.

A comment left  on Jeremy Vaeni’s Unknown Country/Experience podcast site in response to my podcast appearance on Vaeni’s program several weeks ago, (Which I greatly enjoyed, and once again, thank Jeremy for the opportunity to talk with him. Always truly wonderful, and funny, and “real” to speak with Vaeni.)
No offense taken dear commentator, I agree with many of your thoughts.
I am only trying to figure it out. Being human, and having all kinds of experiences involving  trauma — extant of any paranormal/supernatural experiences, I have my blind spots. Some I’m aware of, some I’m not.
We’re all in this together, trying to figure it out, find our way. Find those to trust, who will listen. Find others who’ve had similar experiences, who will share, and, listen to us without a knee jerk reaction of rejection.
Search, research, study.
But yeah, I’m human, and like everyone else, have moments of clarity, then, those muddled moments of what-ifs and it-couldn’t- possibly- be. Even fear. Okay, FEAR.  At times.
I don’t doubt at all that there’s a part of me that is afraid. Fuck yeah. Missing time? Not once, but at least twice. It’d be bad enough if it were only me present at those times, but, no. Others were present who confirmed the experiences.  Same with the invisible but no less real presences, (alien? not human, anyway) again, confirmed by others. And, so on  . . .
And I will acknowledge that yes, there are still some private, intimate episodes that I’m not willing to share now, or, I might find, will never be willing to share. Fear, shame, confusion, self-protection, … who knows. But it’s my right  to decide when and  where I will share these episodes. Will they be useful to the meta-data? To women in this field? To me?! Probably.  Yet in the meantime, we have to allow ourselves the time and space to process all this stuff.
We have to respect witnesses and let them speak, encourage but not harass or persecute those who share their stories. There will be a time when they’re (and when I’m) ready  to be even more open.
Being so-called closed shouldn’t imply a dishonesty, but foster a sense of compassion and patience.
True, there are those are coy for whatever reason (er, um, well,  David Paulides . . .) but the majority of people sharing their stories are being truthful. Sadly, but reallistically, there are always those who are hoaxers, liars, or sloppy and sleezy creeps (David Jacobs, in my opinion) but it’s a given that in any field — you name it, any field — that there are the liars, creeps, psychos, and huskters.

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