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"The part we ignore…may contain the clue to the whole subject." ~ J. Allen Hynek

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dreams

Childhood Memories:Fuzzy Puppet Wolves

I wrote this piece about a childhood memory for my Trickster Realm’s column at Tim Binnall’s Binnall of America back in 2007.

 

I had to be in bed, flat on my back. Concentrate on the warm yellow light shining under the bedroom door. Then “they” came, several of them, oh, at least four, and somewhere I was levitated, floating through the doors.

I don’t remember what they looked like, or if I ever knew. I do “know” they were small, about my size. Skinny too, not human, like us.

Sometime around age thirteen or so these episodes became less frequent. As I wrote recently on my blog, it was rare when I could intentionally cause these episodes, and when they happened spontaneously, they became scary. I’d often shut down before I could leave my body.

Another event that happened frequently was the “puppet wolves,” visitations, as I called them. These events were connected somehow with the above, but also different. They weren’t the same creatures, for example. It wasn’t quite as pleasant either. And I remember some events happening during the day; still in bed, but daytime.

The fuzzy puppet wolves were very small, not more than about twenty-four inches tall. They were fuzzy/furry, gray, and reminded me of puppets. They weren’t exactly malevolent, but they were quick to be extremely mischievous, pushy, and just not as “nice” as the others. I could see these guys, and remember to this day what they looked like. The other guys, I don’t remember at all, except that they were small. The puppet wolves would gather around my bed, several of them, and they were insistent. They didn’t take no for an answer, and I’d have to go with them. I don’t remember anything other than that.

Not long ago, my husband “Joe” and I were talking about our childhood “weird” experiences; memories of the paranormal, or whatever word you want to use. Before I said anything, he began to tell me of something that happened to him sometimes when he was a kid. While he was in bed, furry gray “things” would gather around the edges of the bed, and tug at him, taking him away. (Neither of us remember where we went.)

I asked him if they reminded him in a way, of wolves; he said yes. Small nasty little wolf puppet, or stuffed animal-toy beings. He had never heard my story before.

Another Synchronicty between us. When faced with all these parallel experiences, going back deep into childhood, I find that I can’t ignore things like karma, or metaphysical connections, or reincarnation, or. . . something. I’m not sure what it means, but to say it doesn’t mean anything is supremely incorrect.

The Wolf as Totem

I refer to these nasty little beings as “wolves” yet they didn’t hold the wolf spirit. In fact, the wolf is my totem, and the Wolf Clan is one of the clans of the Lenepe, my grandfather’s tribe. (So I’m told.) I’ve had amazing dreams of wolves; often in connection with white wolves and teachers. I call upon Wolf often and he is my friend and guide.

But at the time, a child unfamiliar with the gift of Wolf and all its meanings, I tended to think of these persistent unpleasant creatures as wolves.

Puppet Symbology and Invisibility

It’s interesting that I thought of these beings as puppets; that is, puppets without any people operating them. They were just empty moving “skins.” They were footless, too, no legs. A screen memory, a false impression to cover whatever was “really” there? Puppet implies that something else is behind it; that the puppet isn’t doing the thing, the person operating the puppet is in control. Whatever was behind the wolf puppets was not revealed. Or, remembered.

Invisible Aliens

In looking back over a lot of what I’ve written about aliens and odd experiences, I realize I use the term “invisible alien” a lot. I don’t recall what they looked like, these beings that came to float me out doors at night. I don’t remember parts of UFO sightings I’ve had; missing time. Whether these are connected or not I don’t know.

There are many layers to these kind of experiences, and I suspect symbols replace symbols that replace yet other symbols, all to make us more comfortable, to protect us, — or us to protect ourselves — as we try to exist in the mundane world. Our journeys into the astral/other worlds remain submerged in our subconscious. It’s been so for a very long time, as has our need to go down and retrieve these memories. Retrieve the correct memories. With each “dive” into our subconscious, we move closer to some kind of understanding.

(for example, I wrote that I had to concentrate on the yellow light underneath the bedroom door. I told my mother about these experiences, and she insisted that there was never a light on in the hall after we went to bed. I asked her, then, what light was it that I was seeing? she had no idea.)

Was my memory of the light a true one of the hall light, and it is my mother that is incorrect? Or is my mother right, and my memory of the hall light a cover memory for a very different kind of light, from a very different source?

I wonder if I’ll ever know.

 

Master Cylinder Heater Entity

One odd thing about this childhood home: whenever I think about it, which isn’t too often, I remember my bedroom as being on the second floor.

We didn’t have a second floor. It was a one story house.

I had a couple of strange memories from living in that house in L.A. (Bedford Dr.) and with both memories, I remember being on the second floor. One memory is of the “Master Cylinder Heater.” I was frightened to death, seeing this thing in my bedroom. It was very tall, robotic, gray and black and a bit of glowing red, with thin ribbon type things floating out from its sides. It was not a good thing.

Years later, when thinking of this, I naturally assumed it was a dream, mixed up with a heater either in my bedroom or somewhere in the house. I described this thing to my mother about ten years ago — she told me there was no such thing like that anywhere in the house.

cylinder
Master Cylinder-Heater Entity, Ink, charcoal on paper

I really need to redo this. The cylinder was wider, but still tall, and the ribbons or whatever they were were different colors, like pale greens and yellows and pinks, as well as black and gray.

I wrote about this encounter in my Trickster’s Realm column on Tim Binnall’s site, Binnall of America (BOA.):

12.7.9


The Cylinder Alien Heater

I’ve been experimenting recently with intent in context of retrieving the vague parts of memories of various UFO events in my life. Two things that I keep coming back to is the idea of dreams and memories. “Dreams” that I only call dreams because we all know such things don’t really happen, yet I don’t recall any other dreams from childhood. Those have receded into the past. Only two have followed me into adulthood, bumping against my consciousness with persistence, insisting they did happen just as I thought — not dreamt. 

One such memory is of what I’ve always called the breathing radiator. Unlike the usual dream — where you know it’s a dream, no matter how weird — this, like a few others that fall in this category, is not a dream, but a solid and definite memory.

This memory of the breathing radiator is of a cylindrical heater, about six feet in height or so, dull silver colored in my bedroom. At the time, we lived on Bedford Street in Los Angeles, California, a few blocks from the house we moved to a couple years later and lived in until my mother sold it when I was in my twenties. (At that house I experienced all kinds of UFO experiences, as well as the house we lived in before the Bedford house. That house, on Corning Street, was just a few blocks away as well. It seems that neighborhood, near the West L.A., Culver City area, was an attractant for UFO activity.) I hated to go to sleep in the bedroom on Bedford because I knew that when the lights went out the silver thing would come for me. I remember night after night of watching this thing move across the room, towards my bed, telling me telepathically to be quiet.

I had always assumed this thing was a heater. The cylinder stood by itself; not in a wall or closet but out in the room. It had a grilled plate in the front, glowing lights, and colored ribbons that moved when the air from within came on. I recently asked my mother if there was anything like that in my room on Bedford, she told me she couldn’t remember but didn’t think so; she agreed it would have been an odd kind of thing to have in a bedroom.

I don’t associate this weird cylinder as having anything to do with UFOs but it’s always felt like it has. Like my childhood eagle “dream” and patio alien with the glowing red eyes, this memory of the cylinder entity was always in the box labeled in thick black letters: “UFO Stuff — You Know It!”

As anyone who’s experienced UFOs, Fortean or paranormal knows, synchronicity and the Trickster show up when we explore our esoteric experiences. Out of curiosity, I did a Google search for “Bedford street, Los Angeles, California” and the first item that came up was a real estate listing for the house I lived in as a child! There were a couple dozen photographs of the house, but, no silver cylinder “alien” radiator.

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Stuart Davis: Aliens and Artists

Stuart Davis was last night’s guest on Coast to Coast; George Knapp hosting. I had not heard of Davis before. A fantastic interview! Different, and yet . . . a lot of what was discussed seemed familiar.

Davis has had his own experiences in the metaphysical-high-strangeness-UFO realm, including encounters with Mantids (praying mantis entities.)  His encounters include many moments of synchronicity.

Aside from Davis’s experiences, he has apodcast: Aliens and Artists.   Davis explores the relationship between artists, UFO etc. expedites, and the creative expressions.

I really think this is one path to follow in order to get closer to some understanding of the phenomena.

One thing Davis talked about was that moment when we’re meditating, or relaxed, maybe going to sleep but still awake — those in between moments — and we are consciously (or, sometimes not so much) inviting non-human energies into our space. “They” seem to know when we are open, and vulnerable. I’ve had a few of these drop-in visitors while in this state.

One was very silly. I was doing an experiment with a friend of mine who has had a life long experience with UFOs, aliens, and all kinds of high strangeness episodes. Her children and spouse have as well. So for awhile, we were trying to send each other images. It didn’t work, not for either of us. But, what did pop into my mind was the typical gray, except he/she/it had a balloon type head. Very cartoonish. It was like the thing was laughing at me. It was very Trickster like; wouldn’t go away, kept coming back. The harder I tried to get rid of it the more it stuck around.

Now, I’m not suggesting this was literally a Balloon Clown Alien from Outer Space. Just that in my in betwixt and between state, with intent, energies morphed and appeared. They could have been from my subconscious: me thinking deep down this whole thing was silly and I shouldn’t try. Or, not. Or, something in between, a bit of this, a bit of that.

balloonhead copy
Balloon Head Alien-Grey, colored pencil, ink on paper,

And then these travelers:

Photo on 8-23-18 at 10.56 AM
Amethyst Third Eye Meditation and Travelers, pencil on paper

Where I was meditating with amethyst and focusing on my third eye. (I’ve had many psychic and entity episodes while using crystals as a conduit.)

And of course, my obsession with the Orange Orb — that UFO I and my spouse saw years ago. We also had missing time with that sighting.

orbs in space
Orange Orbs, oil pastel on paper

This past March or April, right when the lockdown began because of the Corona virus, I suddenly began drawing “tall whites” and white, orange entities, sometimes emerging from orbs:

3tallwhites
Tall Whites, oil pastel on paper

Not exactly like the grays — which I’ve “seen” in various encounters – so I don’t know where these tall whites came from. Just playing around during the whole social isolation phase.

And so on. Many more: drawings from childhood memories, UFO sightings, random “mind postcards” like the green warty man/entity, a drawing I’ve been working on.

 

 

 

 

Visitors Through the Window

Sometimes entities are almost shapeless, and it’s not clear what they are. Aliens; UFO occupants? Elementals, astral visitors, ghosts, etc? From my childhood, memories of beings, coming through the doors, the windows . . .

 

visitors3
Visitors #3, oil pastel on paper

Unsolicited Advice: New to U.F.O. / Paranormal/Cryptid Stuff?

Well, there’s Google. Go for it. No shame, and yes, you’ll find yourself tumbling  down the rabbit hole, but, we all find ourselves there at some point or another. So just know that will happen.

Remember books? Library, bookstores, used and new. Problem is, often libraries have scant and skewed selections. For the most part, libraries don’t take such things seriously. And bookstores — the chain ones — are more about popular topics that sell, than offering books on the meat of the matter. Used bookstores are often better, simply depending on the opinions of the owner. I’ve found some great books in second hand bookstores.  Just depends.

Library sales, that’s another source, as Goodwill and other thrift stores. You have to look in all kinds of categories. St. Vinnie’s, at least in my area, really does a good job of placing books according to genre. Goodwill, not so much. Look in not only “paranormal” sections but science, religion, folklore…

eBay, Amazon, and Etsy. You never know.

Don’t give up.

And of course there’s social media, like Facebook, Twitter, etc. Search, lurk, read, ask. Don’t be afraid to ask. Just develop a bit of a thick skin, because there are some know it alls who won’t hesitate for a moment to tell you what’s good, what’s bad, and if you don’t take their advice, you’re a moron.

Blogs. Blogs might be — I hear tell — going out of style, but I will not accept that. Then again, I am the Queen of the Fortean Blogosphere. I have so many blogs, I forget about some of them for awhile. (Most recent, my UFO-Mary blog on blogspot.com) But there is a lot of great info and art and personal narratives and book lists and history that you could easily spend a whole day pursuing such information.

Sure, I have my own list of books that a person new to the field should read. But, while of course I think it’s an important list, it’s just my opinion. Point is, read what you can, when you can, ask questions, don’t entertain trolls (they still exist, even though the 1990’s are over) and think for yourself. Make up your own. mind. And know that your mind will, hopefully, change many times along the way, as you gather more information.

The really only important point is this: staying stuck on a theory is death. Be willing to change, to morph, to evolve. Don’t be afraid to question. And be brave enough to ignore the trolls and debunkers who will try anything — anything — to shut you up if you decide to share your own experience.

BVM-UFO Sketch

bvmufo
Mary and UFO, oil pastel and pencil on paper

I’m not sure this is the BVM — blessed Virgin Mary – – though I did have her in mind when doing this drawing. I’m not sure what possessed me to draw this. I based it on an image that popped into my head last night — a giant Mary above a neighborhood at night with a UFO in the sky.

I am fascinated by Marian apparitions, the lore, the sightings, and the connections with UFO sightings. One of my many blogs is UFO – Mary. I haven’t posted over there in a long time, but (like all my blogs) I will get around to blogging new material over there. I’ll start with this drawing.

I’m also a fan of folk art, especially religious folk art. This drawing has a folk art feel, and, I suppose it is!

 

The Mind Postcard and the Comet

Not unusual: lying in bed, thinking of images and color, ideas for paintings. Had a nice image in my head, thinking about the colors, etc. The image was still — stationary — in my head. And then, suddenly, from nowhere, a comet comes shooting by over the little house in my picture. Where did that come from? A visitor from the metaphysical beyond. Really odd, never happened to me before like that. (I’ve had abrupt mind postcards before, but not in this way.) So I included the comet in this drawing.

 

comet
Comet, oil pastel and ink on paper

Virus Presents its Reptilian Head

Subconscious global virus fears have seeped in.

I had a dream that I thought was real, then realized at some point I was dreaming. Until, in the dream, I was explaining the dream to my husband — complete with a physical demonstration — thinking that that was real, until, I realized I was still dreaming. Layers upon layers.

I hear sounds of animals  (I assume they are animals, cats maybe, raccoons) fighting in the yard next door. Abruptly, the sounds stop, and I hear just one sound: the crunching of leaves and gravel as a seven-foot, bi-pedal creature walks into our backyard. 

I don’t know how I know the creature is seven feet tall, but I do. The nature of dreams. This creature is somewhat reptilian-is. Highly intelligent, and nasty. This thing claws at our bedroom window,trying to get in. I’m terrified. Try to wake up my husband but he’s out. All this time, I think this is really happening. Not a dream.

I hear the creature walking around to our other bedroom window. I get out of bed, pound the walls with my fist and shout “GO AWAY!!! GO AWAY!!! WE DO NOT WANT YOU HERE!!!” 

There’s a moment where I am frightened because I know. — I can see it in my mind — that it’s thinking. Deciding whether to burst in or leave.

reptiliancover.jpg It leaves.

Later, I am explaining this dream to my husband. I show h

im how the creature walked, using my fingers to walk across the table. (As if he doesn’t know a bi-pedal creature would walk.) I think: thank god that dream nightmare is over.

Then I realize I’m still dreaming.

Like most of us, I assume, the coronavirus has shifted things within in a deep way. I’m confused, operating in a state of surreal acceptance. I want to be safe and responsible but  am not sure what to do at times. I know what not to do – – I’m not an idiot. Am I scared? Yes, sometimes. I don’t want to feed into it. I’m not hoarding toilet paper for instance.

So the fears and anxiety, the uncertainty, is always there.

 

And I know I am setting myself up for the wrath of logical intelligent fellow saucer heads, Forteans and the like to be flung at me  but I can’t help there is more behind this. Much more, including conspiracy and manipulations and even the interaction with an other.

But none of that really matters. Because this is here, it’s real, and it’s affecting all of us at all levels of our existence. Children at home, unsupervised, people out of work wondering how they’re going to pay their bills, . . . the fallout is immense.

My little dream, exposing layers of reality (I’m dreaming, I’m awake, it’s real, oh, I’m still dreaming) presenting a Reptilian Alien monster as an unwelcome and nasty intruder. It did go away however when I confronted it. So maybe this dream was a reminder that I am responsible for myself and to calm down. Not to be cavalier about things, but, find that balance between acceptance of this new reality while remaining sane.

 

 

Virus Haiku

tuna, beans, pasta, rice

coffee, peanut butter

tp: we’re set

 

 

ladycooktuna.jpg

 

 

 

empty shelves

global virus

living the sci-fi

 

rawpanic.jpg

 

 

 

hoarding the t.p.

wiping away the crap

anxiety wins

 

rations.jpg

 

 

 

snake, bat

Reptilian conspiracy

anxiety looms

comic bookcover.jpg

 

 

coast get-away

plans cancelled

pandemic

 

 

 

 

haiku by regan lee march 2020

from Rabbit Hole collection volume 1

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