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"The part we ignore…may contain the clue to the whole subject." ~ J. Allen Hynek

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childhood memories

Wapiti (Elk) and Sasquatch: A Memory

(cross posted at my Frame 352: The Stranger Side of Sasquatch blog)

[Preparing for my interview on Lon Stricker’s Arcane Radio podcast this coming Friday, I’ve been putting together my Bigfoot material. Here’s one of those things:]

This isn’t a particularly Fortean or cryptid sort of experience, but it was a profound one, and one I find revisiting more than forty-five years later. However, there is a piece of this experience that does fit in with Bigfoot and other crypto phenomena in a small way as we’ll see.
When I was a Girl Scout (Troop 1534, the Robin was our crest)  we went camping in Northern California. It was a great trip, and my first experience camping. We slept in tents, we hiked in the forests, … the whole real life camping thing. New to me but I loved it. The first night, I remember laying awake in awe at the strangeness of listening to the screams of a woman, or maybe it was a baby. On and on it went, and I couldn’t understand why none of the adults seemed to care. Finally, I came out of my tent, scared but also intensely curious, to find out what was going on. I was very surprised when the camp leaders assured me those “screams” were not the pleas for help from a human in trouble, but wild peacocks. It took some convincing. I simply had never heard such a sound before. I’d seen peacocks in the zoo, but they never cried out like that, just walked around, their brilliant green and emerald tails bursting into jeweled colors every few moments. It was hard for me to put that pretty image together with the sounds I was hearing that night. Of course, since then, I’ve heard peacocks call like that many times. In fact, in the hills surrounding the city where I live, the wild peacocks can be a nuisance.
It was during this camping trip that I saw my first elk. I’m not sure what I was doing off by myself; I only have the memory of the elk sighting, and not what I was doing before or after.  But I think I was just . . . walking around, which is a bit odd, since we were all about the buddy system and checking in with the adult staff and basically just not doing stupid things like being twelve years old and walking around in the forests by yourself on your first camping trip.
I come out on the side of the road; a highway or something. Everything is very still, and very beautiful. I’m surprised the road is here, I didn’t know there was one close by. We came in another way, that involved dusty dirt roads and turns. I just stand there, looking. It seems I’m waiting for something, and suddenly I hear a loud crashing sound coming from  across the road. I watch, and hear a snort, a kind of chuffing sound, and almost magically (or so it seemed to me) there was an elk. He came rushing out of the thick foliage and then stopped right at the edge of the road. We were no more than fifty feet from each other. I was amazed; what a beautiful animal! I wasn’t scared, but I was in awe. True awe. There he stood, looking straight ahead. He must have known I was there, but he didn’t look at me or come towards me. He seemed to be allowing me to look him over. (I’ve wondered, years later, if the elk wasn’t afraid of me, how did he know I wasn’t a hunter? Or was the elk unaware of me  — but I am sure he was absolutely aware of me.)
He just stood there — he had antlers and huge black eyes, and was very large. I wasn’t sure what I was looking at at first; I had never seen an elk outside of books before. At first I thought it was a very large deer, but realized this was no deer, but an elk. (verified later when I looked it up.)  And here we were, standing at opposite sides of a road. After a few moments the elk seemed to fly across the road; just bounded in what seemed like one long graceful leap, and into the dark green of the other side.
I remember thinking that this was a secret thing that had just happened, a glorious strange private thing. I walked back to our camp (I assume I did) and that was that.
Bigfoot and cryptid debunkers and skeptics often say that people mistake the usual for the unusual. A bear, elk or some other animal is mistaken for a Sasquatch. The wild calls of a cougar, coyote, etc. is believed to be Bigfoot cries, or possibly something even more preternatural: the Beast of Bray road, or some such. All mundane sounds of animals mistaken to be something paranormal by nervous humans.
It’s a disingenuous and insulting explanation, which is applied to all witnesses who find themselves out in the woods, regardless of their experience. The person who’s grown up with camping and hunting or who’s lived their entire lives in rural areas is considered in the same group with those unfamiliar with flora and fauna. Myself, at that time long ago. I had never heard the peacock’s eerie calls, or seen an elk in its natural habitat. Yet I didn’t jump to supernatural conclusions. At twelve, I was only vaguely aware of things like UFOs and strange creatures, but I did have an open mind, and in fact, assumed that things like ghosts existed. I don’t know where this trust in the “other” came from, just the way Im wired I guess. Even so, I investigated the call of the peacock, and simply accepted the gift of seeing wapiti. I didn’t assume those things were banshees or Bigfoot or anything strange.
I know too many people that I trust who have shared with me their Bigfoot encounters. To varying degrees, all of those people are familiar with the outdoors, having lived in the country, or hunted, fished and camped all their lives. To suggest they “mistook” a bear, or something else of a mundane nature for a Sasquatch is ridiculous. In fact, it is irrational to suggest that.
The debunker’s dismissal that “people see what they want to see” is also ridiculous. I didn’t, even in my twelve year old mind, believe I saw a fairy, or Bigfoot — I knew I saw an elk, even though I’d never seen one before. (Believe me, as wonderful and magical in its way seeing that elk was, it would have been much cooler to have seen a fairy.)
Another tactic used by uber-skeptics is the “life itself is magical enough, only the bored or disturbed need to create something –Bigfoot, ghosts, etc. — instead of seeing the natural beauty around them.” What these skeptics don’t understand is that both exist; it’s not a contest.  That elk was magical indeed.
And so is Sasquatch, (and that’s with or without the high strangeness aspects of the phenomena, another topic for another day) which, so far anyway, I have not been blessed to encounter. At least not in a literal, flesh and blood way.

1978 UFO Dream-memory

Cleaning out my study; lots of old files, and books, and all kinds of stuff. Had. forgotten all about a little journal I started in 1978 or so about my UFO experiences. Here’s one about a dream I had:

The dream: [edited for clarity] Date: June 29, 1978

Night time, Los Angeles. I’m standing on the corner across from my mother’s house. (interesting I wrote “my mother’s house”  seems an odd way to phrase that. It’s the house I grew up in. Also, the house where my mother saw a UFO, and became very excited, calling us kids to come out and look at “the flying saucer.” No one believed her — except me. In fact, I told not to worry when the UFO was no longer visible. “Don’t worry mom, they’ll be back. They always come back.”)

I look up to the sky, and see very clearly, a large rectangle and another shape, thicker than the first. they are zooming through the air quickly and quietly. The UFOs break apart and disappear over a hill. (No hills however where I grew up.) Now I see flashes of light, and the sounds of machine guns. I know however that that’s not what is making the sound — it’s not the ‘guns’ it’s something else.

People on the street stop to look towards the sounds. I try to tell them what I saw: UFOs. Some believe me, some don’t. To be expected.

Suddenly, as we’re discussing what’s happening, a very large crescent of light comes floating through the sky, very fast. It’s heading towards the direction of the ‘machine gun’ sounds. The sounds stop. The UFOs come back in their original direction, towards me. They stop above me. Strange sounds like music are heard, but it’s difficult to tell if the sounds are from musical instruments (at least what we’re familiar with) or machines.

All this time, during this experience, I think it’s really happening. Then I remember I’m dreaming. Or am I? I must be. Of course I am. I’m confused. Within the dream I dream again. And here I tell Jim (my boyfriend at the time, my spouse now) all about the dream. He believes me. All of it. I tell him that the UFOs are real, “I just know they are.” No doubt. No argument. I tell him: “Well, I guess I really saw a UFO, it happens, and it just did to me.”

This time, in this dream, I wasn’t frightened, as I had been in the past in other dreams. I did feel awe, however, not in a religious sense (no space brother-sister Close Encounters stuff)  but simply in an “this is incredible” sense.

We were living in Eugene, Oregon at this time. This before where we moved a few miles away and I had my orange orb and missing time experience.  I did have a lot of weird UFO alien type dreams — was having them in Los Angeles when I met Jim, where we had missing time and a possible sighting — I find it interesting these dreams started before this. This suggests my experiences have been with me since childhood. Jim, who has had his own UFO related experiences, also since childhood; I have often commented how our experiences are not as random as we might think at times.

Circus and Haiku: A Positive Omen for Creativity?

Couldn’t sleep last night; got up, tried to write. During the day, I was going through old files, trying to clean up my work area. Lots of files on UFOs, the paranormal. A lot of academic papers I’d written when studying folklore at the University of Oregon. (One titled: Talking Deer: The Presence and Function of Animals in UFO Abduction Lore.)Made some notes, went over pages of stuff, but, nothing. Went back to bed.

Earlier in the day, I tweeted to a haiku group that a goal of mine is to “write a haiku a day.” I started doing this a couple of years ago. Not quite one a day; sometimes a few in one day, then nothing for awhile. I carry around a little black notebook just for my writing notes and poems, haiku and haibun.

 

the New Year’s goal

writing a haiku a day

not going well

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I subscribe to Modern Haiku. (MH published one of my haiku years ago, rejected a couple of months ago though. Try again . . . ) Aside from writing fiction; poetry and short fiction, I also write about the paranormal and supernatural, UFOs, and all kinds of weird.

I had the following dream last night, after I finally went to bed:

My new issue of Modern Haiku arrived, which surprises me, since I just received a copy and they publish a few times a year. Much too soon to receive a copy. But, I’m very happy to receive this. I also receive an unexpected zine from someone I don’t know. I wonder how they got my address, how they know about me. Both are fiction and poetry inspired publications.

In the Modern Haiku journal, there is an article by a woman about me! The title was Regan Lee: Circus. The author writes that, while not a believer, nor disbeliever, in things paranormal, she was inspired and moved by my writing. Somehow this writer got a hold of my article and she wrote a very positive review of my work.

Of course I’m excited and honored and show this off to everyone, including co-workers. I don’t care if they don’t care — though most of them are interested, and do know of my work in this area — I am so happy about this! But also a little confused. How did this woman come to know of my work? I hadn’t put this paper up anywhere.

The other zine, also from someone I didn’t know, gives me a positive mention as well. Again, I wonder how it is these people came across my work. I also wonder at the strangeness of a review on UFOs and the paranormal appearing in a haiku publication. And what does the circus have to do with any of this? (Circus: something I abhor.)

Creativity. Something extremely important to me, with me my whole life. I don’t put creativity in a box; it’s everywhere, in everything I do or think. Some may not think there is anything creative — blending into a spiritual place — about the realm of UFOs and related themes. I those areas as operating in a strong  and creative plane. Two worlds: outer, inner. Fiction, non-fiction. Mundane, magical. Not always opposites with nothing in common. Going back and forth between worlds.

Which is what I’ve been doing since childhood.  Expressing one realm to another. Maybe that’s the circus part; it can get very chaotic and silly and surreal very fast. I take this dream as a positive message to keep going, following my own crazy path.

Childhood Friend, UFO Memories

 

 

 

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I was very close with someone all through elementary school and high school. I’ll call her Fiona. We went through a lot together; her family was rich, lived in a gated community, father some kind of scientist at a  well known Big Science Private Sector institution, but I forget which one.  She was unhappy; something very off about both her parents. I even went to counseling with her and her family a few times. I regret that, due to my own issues (sex, drugs, rock and roll. Not being trite here, but sad to say, a trio of self-destructive behaviors)  when I was in my late teens, early twenties, our last couple of visits were not good ones due to my own self-indulgence.  But since then, this person is the only one from my childhood that appears when I think of my childhood experiences involving UFOs.

Sometimes Fiona shows up in my dreams involving UFOs.  Or she just appears during a memory of a UFO related memory. No one else, not my god-sister, (or my own sisters), or other friends, just Fiona. The question is, why?

I do not have any memory of Fiona and I seeing a UFO together, or experiencing anything of a paranormal nature.

We spent a lot of time on the roof of her ten (twelve?) story apartment tower. Late at night, sitting up there, watching the skies. Does the fact her father was a scientist play into this? Does any of this mean anything at all? Who knows of course. It could also be nothing at all, of no account, and Fiona’s appearance in my memories, dream realm or otherwise, means nothing.

Just another odd fragment within this giant, multi-faceted sphere of UFO experience.

Political Candidate Has Been Abducted

This just in. And after listening to Adam Gorightly and Greg Bishop the other night on Coast to Coast talking about contactees. Synchronicity!

Miami Herald’s item on Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, political candidate, who has been in communication with ET since she was seven years old:

WASHINGTON
Florida has a U.S. senator who once flew aboard the Space Shuttle.
A congressional candidate from Miami can go one better: Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera says she’s been aboard a spaceship too. But this one was crewed by aliens. As in extraterrestrials.
Three blond, big-bodied beings — two females, one male — visited her when she was 7 years old and have communicated telepathically with her several times in her life, she says. (Sen. Bill Nelson served as payload officer aboard the Space Shuttle Columbia in 1986. All seven people aboard were from Earth. As far as is known.) More here.

Merry Christmas!

I’m Not There: Alien Sketches

Three sketches I made last night while listening to Adam Gorightly and Greg Bishop on Coast to Coast last night. Good program; Gorightly and Bishop  discussed their new book,  A is for Adamski, with host George Knapp.

I wanted to make sure I didn’t fall asleep while listening to the show so I stayed up and sketched.  I didn’t think about what I’d draw, just let myself go where my subconscious took me.

The first sketch I call “My invisible dancing aliens.”  Years ago I started a painting based on this same drawing but never finished it. This is a sketch of the  little foyer in the house I grew up in in Los Angeles. There was a little window in the wall, as you see, a closet door on the left, and across from that, the front door. This is the house where I waited for my little alien friends to come and float me out the front door. I also have memories of dancing with these creatures. No faces on the beings — I don’t remember their faces, or much at all, except that they were. About my size, almost see through. Airy, fragile, friendly. Same ones who floated me out the door, into the large tree on the corner where I’d wait for … more. More beings, ships. . .

This is also the house where my mother saw a UFO hovering over the apartments across the street.

 

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This next sketch is of my bed. I’m not in it. The aliens (or beings, or entities, or angels, or elementals, whatever it is one wants to call them) are not looking at me in the bed — not anymore. I’m gone to what ever place they took me to. They are looking up, away from my bed, to the skies, and pointing. I’ve noticed that in this sketch, and another I did of my bedroom and the aliens, some of the aliens are tall, and clothed.

 

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The last drawing surprised me; it’s a version of my “patio alien” a creature I saw when I was about four. This was in another house in Los Angeles, on Corning Street, not too far from the house referred to above. I tried to capture the nasty nature of this thing but I don’t think it comes across. Although, I showed it to my husband who just shook his head (I didn’t tell him what it was.) I asked him if he was referring to my artwork or what; he said no, to “it.” “Not good,” he said. “That thing is not good.”

This thing was about four feet tall, all in silver and a hood or helmet, red glowing eyes — more like lights then eyeballs — and had a wand or gun type thing in its hand. When I saw it I first thought the thing was holding our hose, messing around with it for some reason. It saw me, was very very angry I was watching it, and pointed the “hose” at me. Turned out to me some kind of ray gun (as hokey as that sounds) at me. I was terrified.

 

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A Comment on my recent Stint on Jeremy Vaeni’s ‘Experience’ Podcast

It’s very difficult to mine any information from this interview. Regan was good at expressing her own bafflement and confusion with her experiences, but not at describing them with enough detail that we could either sincerely share her bafflement or perhaps provide some clarity. She says she’s trying to understand them better, and I believe her, but I also sense an unwillingness to open her experiences up fully to outside commentary. One thing that was obvious is that she’s concluded far more about her experiences than she expresses outright, and perhaps she fears that opening up her experiences to outside comment will challenge those conclusions and throw her back into a worse confusion, or confirm the worst of them which she is not ready to hear, but that looks to me to be rooted in a lack of self-confidence and a disbelief that anyone could really offer her anything truly beneficial.

I apologize to Regan for being so critical, and perhaps I’ve got it all wrong, I share my thoughts freely and whether she considers them or throws them into the bin I’ll take no offense.

A comment left  on Jeremy Vaeni’s Unknown Country/Experience podcast site in response to my podcast appearance on Vaeni’s program several weeks ago, (Which I greatly enjoyed, and once again, thank Jeremy for the opportunity to talk with him. Always truly wonderful, and funny, and “real” to speak with Vaeni.)
No offense taken dear commentator, I agree with many of your thoughts.
I am only trying to figure it out. Being human, and having all kinds of experiences involving  trauma — extant of any paranormal/supernatural experiences, I have my blind spots. Some I’m aware of, some I’m not.
We’re all in this together, trying to figure it out, find our way. Find those to trust, who will listen. Find others who’ve had similar experiences, who will share, and, listen to us without a knee jerk reaction of rejection.
Search, research, study.
But yeah, I’m human, and like everyone else, have moments of clarity, then, those muddled moments of what-ifs and it-couldn’t- possibly- be. Even fear. Okay, FEAR.  At times.
I don’t doubt at all that there’s a part of me that is afraid. Fuck yeah. Missing time? Not once, but at least twice. It’d be bad enough if it were only me present at those times, but, no. Others were present who confirmed the experiences.  Same with the invisible but no less real presences, (alien? not human, anyway) again, confirmed by others. And, so on  . . .
And I will acknowledge that yes, there are still some private, intimate episodes that I’m not willing to share now, or, I might find, will never be willing to share. Fear, shame, confusion, self-protection, … who knows. But it’s my right  to decide when and  where I will share these episodes. Will they be useful to the meta-data? To women in this field? To me?! Probably.  Yet in the meantime, we have to allow ourselves the time and space to process all this stuff.
We have to respect witnesses and let them speak, encourage but not harass or persecute those who share their stories. There will be a time when they’re (and when I’m) ready  to be even more open.
Being so-called closed shouldn’t imply a dishonesty, but foster a sense of compassion and patience.
True, there are those are coy for whatever reason (er, um, well,  David Paulides . . .) but the majority of people sharing their stories are being truthful. Sadly, but reallistically, there are always those who are hoaxers, liars, or sloppy and sleezy creeps (David Jacobs, in my opinion) but it’s a given that in any field — you name it, any field — that there are the liars, creeps, psychos, and huskters.

Amethyst Third Eye Meditation and Aliens

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The past few days, I’ve been focusing on meditating (again) using crystals, mainly amethyst. I’ve written before how I’ve had interesting encounters on this plane involving entities while using amethyst and other stones during meditative states.

I’ve also written about how, while I’ve had numerous UFO sightings — and other paranormal or anomalous experiences — I’ve never seen an alien/entity.  That’s not entirely true; as a child, I had experiences with entities. None of them looked quite like the ubiquitous gray alien that’s become the cultural symbol of ET.

Here’s an experience I had years ago while using crystals:

I was in a semi-trance meditative state. Awake, but very much in a light trance. I like to work with crystals and stones — on this night, I was using a copper wand with a purple fluorite crystal at one end. Suddenly, I was aware of three grays that had come through the bedroom window. They were there, all right, but, like much of this weird realm of aliens and UFOs, if someone had walked into the room, they would not have seen the grays. I had an immediate negative reaction against them — I did not want them here! I focused my energy and intent into the wand, and they were kept from going further into the room. They were “stuck” and very, very angry. They did not like this at all. Finally, the left, extremely pissed.  [Regan Lee; Post Menopause and the Abductors]

(About the above experience: A friend  invited me to a meeting of like minded psychics that same night I had the visitation but I didn’t go. Later, after I told my friend about my experience, she told me that the woman leading the group told her: “You have a friend who was to be here tonight, but right now, she is encountering entities on the astral.”)

Last night, I was meditating on my third eye, and the color and energy of amethyst. I had two amethyst clusters by my bedside, where I was sitting. I was not asleep, but very relaxed.

Behind my eyes, the usual swirls and shapes danced, but nothing specific. I wasn’t trying for anything at all. Just concentrating on breathing, and amethyst energy/color. Abruptly, this came shooting by:

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And I said to myself, in a reflexive reaction “Oh no.” They turned to look at me as they went past. They seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see them. It was as if we met on the astral plane.

They were really there. It was a specific, graphic moment. Vivid and real. I felt a  little nervous; this ‘sighting ‘ jolted me out of my mild trance.

The drawing seems a bit cartoonish, but that’s what the little aliens (or whatever they are) looked like. They sure as hell didn’t feel cartoon like.  It wasn’t a malevolent feeling, but not warm and fuzzy either.

I find using crystals very easy and comfortable, as well as responsive. Otherwise I wouldn’t incorporate them into my practices.  There’s a lot of lore as well as  metaphysical qualities surrounding amethyst; here’s one aspect of the crystal:

In today’s world, Amethyst is still a remarkable stone of spirituality and contentment, known for its metaphysical abilities to still the mind and inspire an enhanced meditative state. Its inherent high frequency purifies the aura of any negative energy or attachments, and creates a protective shield of Light around the body, allowing one to remain clear and centered while opening to spiritual direction. Amethyst stimulates the Third Eye, Crown and Etheric Chakras enhancing cognitive perception as well as accelerating the development of intuitive and psychic ability. [Crystal Vaults.com]

 

When it comes to UFO and related encounters of what we often call ET or aliens, there are many paths to explore and many ways to access information. Some researchers are impatient with the metaphysical side of UFO thought, but for some of us, it is the way it seems to work. It feels true, it feels comfortable, things happen. This is why we need use many different approaches to figuring this thing out.

Related links:
On my blog Saucer Sightings:

Silver Suited Aliens

My Not So Invisible Aliens

Night Visitor: A Painting of a Childhood Memory

Green Warty Visitations

The Open Ceiling and The Eagle

Astral Realm Memory

Emma Woods: Childhood Memory of Entity

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Drawing of ‘non-human creature’ seen by Emma Woods. Drawing by Emma Woods.

 

When I was a young child, I saw a small non-human creature in my bedroom. Another child also saw him, and she still remembers it as an adult. It is a fragmentary memory, and at first I could not remember his face. However, years later I suddenly remembered his face, and I drew this sketch of him. I am aware that he is an archetypal “alien”, and I know the mythology behind it. However, this is what I remember. I don’t know what he was, and I think it is possible that entities might present themselves in various forms, perhaps according to the culture of the time. So, perhaps this is how I saw him, and he might appear differently to others, and to those in other cultures. [Emma Woods]

Emma Woods graciously gave me permission to post her drawing of an entity she saw as a child, along with her post.

I like that Emma shared her memories; I also like the fact she writes “I know the mythology behind it” meaning the appearance of the entity.  Some might say these images are too convenient; not actual memories but influenced so heavily by the popular culture icon of “the gray” that we don’t remember accurately. Could be. I appreciate her honesty in noting this. I also like that she calls it a “non-human creature” and not an alien. As with my experiences, I don’t know if what I saw and experienced were aliens, as in ET, or, something else. Decidedly non-human though.

I have a painting I did years ago (the painting is buried in the studio for now) of the ‘invisible aliens’ I saw as a child. These beings were small, no taller than I, skinny, and almost like stick figures. That’s the sense I had, though I never saw them, not solidly.  They were transsparent, barely there. But, there indeed! Their heads were oval or triangular shape. The painting was done before the publication of Communion. As with Emma’s comments about her experience, I don’t know if these beings were ET, something else, and or if they appeared differently — or were interpreted differently — depending on culture and so on.

You can find Emma on social media:

 

 

 

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