Husband writing his novel, which includes when we first met. Discussions follow. After forty plus years of marriage, memories. . .
Synchronicity, or maybe just plain old nostalgia, but this weekend is our forty-third anniversary.
And I’m writing, on my own stuff, paranormal and not.
So we’re listening to old Donovan (do not underestimate him) on vinyl, of course, and things came to my mind. Like the following poem:
He was there
before we knew each other
I have a memory , some
might call it a screen memory, or
when we met, we sat in his Fiat
talking poetry, dreams, UFOs
was I there?
I remember him, Donovan
Hollywood Bowl, on a carpet
was I there?
Later, dreams, missing time
Where were we?
Was I there?
Back in 2011, when I was writing for Tim Binnall’s site, I wrote the following:
Donovan in Concert at the Hollywood Bowl … Maybe
|Memory and UFOs. Missing time. Conscious recall of astounding events. These memories affect the UFO witness, contactee and abductee in profound ways. The memories are vivid, full of emotional and spiritual import that brings life long changes to the experiencer.
Even missing time – which is no memory – is a sort of memory. You know you don’t remember; you remember that something strange happened before, and something strange followed, but what happened in-between? During that in-between state, something happened, something involving you. The memory of those moments exist, somewhere, outside yourself. Forever frustrating, until recalled. But at that point, can we trust the process that brought us to that moment of recollection? Do we just think we remember? How much of those memories are real? All, some, none?
I have a few memories that don’t involve UFOs or really, anything particularity high strangeness or paranormal and yet… there’s a nagging feeling with this category of memory that UFOs were on the edges of these events. Events that I can’t fully recall. They share some similarities with missing time.
For years I’ve had a vague memory of attending a Donovan concert at the Hollywood Bowl in 1969. I have a vivid memory of seeing him on stage. I remember standing up on a little rise, the night air around me, seeing him and hearing him. I don’t recall being with anyone, if I was, I don’t remember who I was with. And yet, I don’t remember anything else at all. Not going to the concert, who I went with, anything about the concert itself, or anything afterwards. I don’t know how I got there. I don’t remember anything. I’m not sure I was there. But I think I might have been.
Curious to know if Donovan ever did play the Hollywood Bowl in 1969, I found proof that he did on the delightful The Go-Go’s Notebook blog. He did play there in 1969. No way to prove if I had been there, but at least we know he was.
There’s no one I could ask about this; my father, who I was living with at the time, has since passed away. He’d be the only one who might know. I was pretty left on my own back then, so adults or others who might know if I had gone wouldn’t necessarily know. It wouldn’t have been unusual for me to attend a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, where I’d seen may concerts, or other places.
It bothers me of course, not knowing if something really happened or not. At least in the context of UFOs, there’s a “Well, that explains it” context. Missing time, not being able to remember, while seeing a UFO, all adds up to the strange. It’s strange to begin with.
I don’t have any memories of UFO experiences when I was a teenager, except for one other memory related event. A few years ago I was meditating, and looking at a landscape I had painted of Santa Cruz. My mind wandered to a night in Santa Cruz by a river. My father and some family members were camping; in that meditative state I could vidily remember the smell of the water as well as the sounds, the cold air…and in the painting/memory, a stationary “star” began to move, zooming in towards us. I have a lucid moment, saying to myself “That didn’t happen when we were there!” I heard a voice outside of myself, speak to me inside my head that I “knew it was a UFO and I had better stop playing games” with myself about the reality of that memory. Then I was jolted back to the reality of my bedroom, the painting, and current time.
Was this memory of attending a Donovan concert related to this Santa Cruz event? Cover memories and games with time, and, location? As weird as this hazy memory realm is, it isn’t unheard of or unusual with UFO witnesses. Whitley Streiber is among witnesses who’ve shared their experiences of almost dreamlike memories that were not dreams, yet… some shadowy thing has happened to distance the witness from the event. Why?
Jim (my spouse of these many decades) and I have had many paranormal and UFO experiences; separate, in our childhoods, before we knew each other, as well as during our relationship. One example: the orange orb sighting, with missing time.